whiskeydrinking-operating:

This is Chester. When I was in Afghanistan I got a care package from one of those “Adopt a Soldier” programs that lets families send care packages to service men and women who are deployed overseas. Anyway, I got this care package, and it came with the usual stuff: Baby wipes, crackers, peanut butter, the Dad threw in a pack of cigarettes, and there was some jerky. But there was also a little beanie baby gold fish and a hand written note from a 7 year old girl that said  “Dear Soldier, (I wasn’t even mad) I hope you are doing well. I’m sorry you have to miss thanksgiving with your family. This is my friend Chester. He keeps me safe from monsters, but I think you need him more than I do. I hope he keeps you safe from the monsters you’re fighting. Take good care of him for me”.
You bet your ass that little fish was in my pocket every time I went on patrol.

whiskeydrinking-operating:

This is Chester. When I was in Afghanistan I got a care package from one of those “Adopt a Soldier” programs that lets families send care packages to service men and women who are deployed overseas. Anyway, I got this care package, and it came with the usual stuff: Baby wipes, crackers, peanut butter, the Dad threw in a pack of cigarettes, and there was some jerky. But there was also a little beanie baby gold fish and a hand written note from a 7 year old girl that said
“Dear Soldier, (I wasn’t even mad)
I hope you are doing well. I’m sorry you have to miss thanksgiving with your family. This is my friend Chester. He keeps me safe from monsters, but I think you need him more than I do. I hope he keeps you safe from the monsters you’re fighting. Take good care of him for me”.

You bet your ass that little fish was in my pocket every time I went on patrol.

snoia:

i literally have no idea what im gonna do if i dont end up rich

catsforlivvy:

i-dont-care-what-u-say:

adirectiongirl:

sensitizes:

we all have that friend who has to ask her mother to breathe

i asked my mom if it was ok to reblog this and she said yes

My mom said no, but I do it anyway 

*gasps of horror*

a hilarious joke

wingscanspeak:

spookweedeveryday:

tanku:

three cats are competing in a race. there’s an american cat named “one two three”, a german cat named “ein zwei drei”, and a french cat named “un deux trois”. the cats all swim across a lake. the american cat finishes first, the german cat finishes second, but the french cat is nowhere to be found.

why?

because the un deux trois quatre cinq

IM LAUGHING SO HARD AT THIS JOKE IF YOU DONT UNDERSTAND IT I FEEL SO BAD FOR YOU 

EXPLAIN

  1. me with friends: 9/10 would bang
  2. me with family: what's a boy

tittily:

my little cousin got bit by a house spider and she was crying so i went to get some stuff to soothe and numb it but before i could even walk out the door i heard her quietly whisper ‘i can’t handle the responsibility of being spiderman’

human:

this picture is life

human:

this picture is life

pvtleonardchurch:

jack-baraatwat:

Being friends with me consists of me sending you bad jokes at 2:47 in the morning

listen up you motherfucker

pvtleonardchurch:

jack-baraatwat:

Being friends with me consists of me sending you bad jokes at 2:47 in the morning

listen up you motherfucker

laina:

laina:

laina:

this guy was watching the vmas with me and now he’s educating himself how precious is that

he keeps asking me all these questions about aspects of feminism and he’s like “so basically it’s about letting women do what they want without being judged for it” and I was like yea and he was like “oh okay that’s so simple why isn’t everyone a feminist” it’s precious

update: I banged him

laina:

laina:

laina:

this guy was watching the vmas with me and now he’s educating himself how precious is that

he keeps asking me all these questions about aspects of feminism and he’s like “so basically it’s about letting women do what they want without being judged for it” and I was like yea and he was like “oh okay that’s so simple why isn’t everyone a feminist” it’s precious

update: I banged him

premiere of ‘Birdman’ 2014 Venice Film Festival

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